I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
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I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
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I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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