WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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