No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
