I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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