I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
