I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
