Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
