my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
