Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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