You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
