you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
