she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
