Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
