I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
