Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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