Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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