It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
