There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm having to shit out rocks
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
