Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
