i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
