I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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