Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I didn't notice because vodka
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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