so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
