Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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