no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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