After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
