Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
