you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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