I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
