he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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