im having a threesome with these popsicles
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
