Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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