loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
