No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
