Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
