You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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