I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
