No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
