best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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