he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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