i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
