That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I believe in your delicious
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
