Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
