Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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