I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
