i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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