just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think my moral compass just broke
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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