Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize