Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
there was a trapeze. enough said
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
