Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
