Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
