whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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