one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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