I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Ketchup is God's man juice
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
