She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
