if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
