69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
