So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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