And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
