Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
