I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
