I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
ok first of all what the fuck
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
