big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
