how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
