actually, I'm a sock model
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
