i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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