She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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