I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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