1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
