Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
