Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
