I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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