to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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