FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
