im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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