Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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