your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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