Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
