my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
